The Hole

It was just a small hole. About the size of the eye of a needle, perhaps smaller. And yet…when I laid my eyes upon it for the first time…I cried, well sobbed actually. I was simply going about the busy-ness of my day, doing my “normal” things, which typically includes making my bed. It was then, I saw it. The miniature hole in my sheets, and the tears began to flow.

No. Holes in sheets don’t normally make me cry. They’re just sheets. Sheets wear out over time. But, these aren’t just any sheets. These are the sheets that I slept under with my husband on his last night on this earth. While I have other sheets, they are the ones that I find I keep washing and remaking my bed with, because they are so near and dear to me. I even accidentally got bleach on the pillowcases, but I didn’t care. I continued putting them on my bed, and I still sleep in them every single night.

I tried to sleep in other sheets for awhile, but I went right back to these, and it’s been that way ever since. But, then I saw the hole. While it’s very small now, it will grow. It’s a sign of the wear and tear taking its toll on these sheets. Eventually, I’ll have to throw them away. How long do I left with my sheets? Who knows? And…that’s not really the point anyway. For me, it’s just another piece of my life with Chris drifting away (or as I really feel, if truth be told – being “stolen” from me – but, that’s another blog post).

I know it’s just a hole in my sheets, but today I’m very sad about it. A bit on the distraught side actually. You may be thinking, “all because of a silly little HOLE??” Yes – all because of a silly stinkin’ hole! I guess I’m just trying to hang onto the last bits and pieces of him that I have left.

And so…today…I shed many tears over a miniscule hole. And the grief continues…