I’ve been thinking about this really hard for the last 19 weeks. I’ve chewed on it until the flavor seems to be all gone. I’ve spoken it out loud, written about it, but yet…I continue to ask myself…do I really mean it?
If God takes everything and everyone away from me, is He still enough?
Now, before I can give a direct answer to that question, I need to be real about the questions I’ve had to ask myself that have brought me to my answer. God has allowed my precious husband to be taken from me, and He’s giving me the grace to survive this horrific tragedy, but…
1) What if He took away my health? Would He still be enough?
2) What if He took away my beloved job…the place I look forward to serving in each day…would He still be enough?
3) What if He took away all of my friends and left me feeling isolated and lonely? Would He still be enough?
4) What if He took away the one person that has never left my side for the last 14 years, 7 months, and 20 days…my beloved daughter? What if He called her Home before me? Would He still be enough?
5) What if He took away all of my material possessions…what if I ended up homeless? Would He still be enough?
6) What if He took away the speaking ministry He’s given me? What if he closed my lips and allowed me to speak no further? Would He still be enough?
7) What if I lost it all…everything…people, things, security…would He still be enough?
YES!!!!! I can answer with a resounding YES!!!!!!
Does this mean that I would not suffer if any of the above losses took place? Absolutely NOT! On the contrary, my suffering would be quite large. I would continue to rise and fall with the waves of grief, as I do now in learning to live without my Chris. (Just typing his name brings tears to my eyes.)
Does this mean that I welcome additional loss? Not in the least. I pray that He spares me further pain that comes close to the pain that I’ve experienced with the loss of my husband. It’s the worse pain I’ve ever endured and to think I might be asked to endure that type of pain again makes me sick to my stomach.
Does this mean that my response to additional loss would be “saintly” and full of wisdom? Nope. I know me too well to know that. I struggle now with walking my current journey of loss in a way that pleases God. I try…but, I know I fail quite often.
So, how can I answer with a resounding YES?
Because…He’s God….He’s always Good…He always keeps His promises…AND, this life that we have to live on earth is so small, covering such a minuscule period of time, and so brief compared to ALL of eternity!
So, YES…He’s enough. I’ll do whatever He asks me to do during this brief season of earthly life to experience the never-ending, glorious season of eternal life. And…if He asks me to experience this journey with nothing but Him…I’ll do that too. Tears and all. Because, He’s enough!