Friday, February 4, 2011

I Do Not Understand

Warning...this isn't pretty...just real.

I don't know where to begin. I don't even really know what to say. Our little world is being rattled once again. This time...a potential job loss on the horizon. We got word today that my husband might be losing his job on Monday. It literally sickens me to type those words. Now - don't get me wrong. I know lots of men and women that are losing jobs right now. This, sadly, is not uncommon during these tough economic times. However, what grieves me over this particular issue is that it has nothing to do with job performance. It has nothing to do with downsizing. It has nothing to do with job elimination. Simply put, one of the employees my husband works alongside made some poor business decisions. My husband was caught in the crossfire of these poor decisions, and now he may lose his job over it. His integrity is being questioned. His ethics are being questioned.'s all a lie from the father of lies. My heart aches for my husband right now, because those that know him best know - beyond all doubt - that he is one of the hardest working, loyal, men of integrity I've ever known. To be in this "hot seat" that he's found himself in seems like a very bad dream right now. Simply unbelievable. And, my heart wants to scream, "This is not fair, God!".

My heart wants to scream those words, but I won't let it.

God is always fair and just. God's plans are not always our plans. God knows us better than we know ourselves. And...honestly...was it fair that His own Son had to die a painful death over 2000 years ago for my wicked sins? Who am I to scream the word "unfair"?

I don't understand why we may be facing the darkest thing we've ever faced in our marriage. I don't understand why, when life is already difficult on many levels right now, that we might be thrown this wrench too. I simply don't understand. But, this I it is written...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

As it is written...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

It's not for me to understand. Simply put, I choose to trust Him, praise Him, acknowledge Him in all things, thank Him, honor Him, and most assuredly love Him.

We welcome your prayers. We're obviously praying for his job to be saved. Ultimately, we want to walk in line with God's perfect will for us...whatever the cost.


  1. Covering you in prayer.

    Praying that the truth will be known. Praying that your husband will find incredible strength in his identity in Christ and that his character will be known.

    Praying that no matter what, this entire situation draws you closer together- to each other and to Abba...


  2. Praying for you precious one. May God's truth be revealed. "God is too wise to be mistaken God is to good to be unkind. So when you don't understand when you don't his plan when you can't trace his hand trust his heart, trust his heart."

  3. Praying for you and your husband! Praying for the other involved and that the truth be shown. Trusting in our wonderful Lord. His timing, His will! Sending hugs!

  4. You do have alot on your plate now. I am praying for you dear one. We too have been through the job loss, the non-income months--but not for the reasons you shared. That is tough. Keep saying the truth to yourself. It will sustain you. And don't beat yourself up when you slip and cry all about it, wondering why. God will hold you together and comfort you too...and Yes, He will provide through it all.


  5. I am praying, Leah. Praying for the truth to be revealed, and for God's provision in every area of your life!


  6. Just read this and am praying for your family, your marriage, perfect provision and that you will hold on to truth! I'm so sorry! -denise

    "He is your constant source of stability. He abundantly provides safety and great wisdom. He gives this to all who fear Him" Is 33:6 (NET)