Monday, August 1, 2011

I Miss My R

It's the little things that get me. Those that many never having walked this journey of losing a spouse might label insignificant. But to me...everything seems significant while grieving. Just as I'm learning to thank God for all the little things - no matter how small - I also tend to notice the little things that create a jolt of pain in me.

Last week, I was addressing an envelope to a woman that I know is recently divorced, and as I wrote out the hit me. I wonder how she felt going from Mrs to Ms. I wonder what she felt having to remove her "R". Did she do so herself, or was it thrust upon her by the mail she received?

My grandmother was divorced after 35 years of marriage, and she never stopped using Mrs as her salutation. In her heart, she was still married, as her vow still stood.

Interestingly, that's how I feel. I'm not ready to lose my R. I still feel married. And, while I know that's not physically's still painful to see on paper, going from Mrs to Ms. It feels like an abandonment of sorts. I didn't choose to give up my R. My R left me.

But, in His own gentle way, God reminded me that He hasn't abandoned me and never will (Hebrews 13:5). And, He also showed me something that I know, but it hasn't sunk in yet: God is my Husband now (Isaiah 54:4-5). While I know these things to be true - beyond a shadow of a doubt...

I still miss my R.


  1. Sometimes those seemingly insignificant things are definitely the big things. Sending you a hug this morning, sweet lady. :)

  2. Yesterday, my mom's been gone 7 months. While my dad was out of town, I got his mail, and one of the stores she used to shop in sends out birthday cards automatically. This month would have been her birthday, she got two cards in the mail. I tossed them before Daddy could see them. I knew it would have been an unnecessary reminder and then I called the stores and asked them remove her name from their mailing list.
    Praying for you still.

  3. Absolutely beautiful. You are the bride of Christ...I say you keep the R here and wear into eternity as well...for the loves of your life.

  4. This may seem silly, but of all that you've written about losing Chris, this is the blog that has helped me to understand the most. I guess it is the little things.... that help your friends to glimpse into your grieving the most.

  5. My step-son is going to be married in November. When planning the mailing list for invitations, his fiance asked me if I wanted to be addressed as "Mrs." or "Ms". I told her that I was still "Mrs." Even though my wedding vows said "until death does us part", I still feel married, still wear my wedding rings, and am not ready to be considered anything other than his wife. I so understand, my friend, I miss my "r", too!

  6. Prayers and hugs your way today (and often). Keep the "r."

  7. You keep that R as long as you want...even forever! You are so loved, and so understood by the Lover of your soul! ((hugs))