I sat down on the couch and turned on the remote to browse for television "background noise". I pulled my laptop closer, as I planned to spend time editing some pictures I took for a friend recently. And then I realized it. Something so minor to the "normal" person but yet so profound to this grieving widow. Actually, two significant events just took place, and I almost didn't realize it until God pointed them out to me.
1) I turned on the TV. I. Turned. On. The. TV. This is HUGE! You're probably thinking this lady has really flipped out now! Just stick with me for a minute, and I'll explain.
The night my husband disappeared, the day before he was found dead, we had our usual Tuesday night family activity planned...watching The Biggest Loser! Instead of watching The Biggest Loser, I was driving around our city looking for my husband, knowing that something had to be wrong - he never missed our Tuesday Biggest Loser night! Since my husband's passing, I haven't watched any TV. The TV has been on some but only if my daughter has turned it on or if visiting friends have turned it on - but not by my own hand.
And so...Friday night, I sat down and turned on the TV. Granted, I turned it on to some digital music channel (just for the white noise), but I used the remote and turned it on nonetheless.
2) Not only did I turn on the TV, but I sat on the right side of the couch. Again, you're probably wondering "what in the world"? Whenever Chris and I sat together on the couch, or cuddled on the couch, or better yet - fell asleep on the couch...he was always on the left...me on his right! We were such creatures of habit. However, after his death, I sat on the left side. Always. I think it was my way of drawing closer to him in some strange sort of way. I even slept on the couch for the first couple of weeks after He went to Heaven, and I always laid my head in the exact place where he would sit.
But, Friday night...I went back to the right hand side of the couch - where I always sat before. Again, it was completely without forethought. I just plopped down, picked up the remote, and it was then the Lord whispered to my heart,
"Look at you now my daughter! Look at where you are and what you're doing!"
I sat slightly stunned. And, He continued...
"You may think this is insignificant, but it's very significant. You keep saying you need to see with your eyes the healing I'm doing in your heart. Take a look and see my child. Take a look..."
The right side of the couch...the remote...and a smile on my face! Thank you Father!