Today marks the official “two months ‘til Christmas” warning.
Today also marks 25 weeks since my husband first disappeared into the woods to take his own life. Sadly, he succeeded.
In 25 weeks, I’ve…
-seen the beauty of God’s Comfort
-felt pain like never before
-experienced an outpouring of love from my Christian and non-Christian friends alike
-tasted the bitterness of death
-been led beside still waters
-hidden myself in the shadow of Chris’ death
-laughed so hard I’ve almost wet my pants (how’s that for a visual?)
-cried what must be the equivalent of a lifetime of tears
-praised the One that made me…over and over and over
-questioned the One that made me…over and over and over
-prayed for so many other widows, knowing well the depth of their pain
-barely eaten, as food nauseated me in the “early days”
-eaten too much, as food is falsely “comforting me” now
-been on the mountaintop
-been in the deepest pit
-endeavored to live life to the fullest
-prayed that God would call me Home
-witnessed true friendship, even among strangers
-felt the sting of false friendship
-experienced God’s fingerprints on me
-questioned God’s nearness
-seen beauty come from ashes
-felt abandoned and forgotten (a lie from the enemy)
-shared with others how God never leaves us or forsakes us
-experienced how deep and how wide is God’s amazing love for me
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What an amazing journey. You exemplify the grace of God, even in your suffering. Thank you for sharing your heart and baring your soul.
ReplyDeleteI've been at the threshold of death with my daughter, but fortunately, unlike you with Chris, have never had to cross that line that I know would have unleashed unimaginable pain and suffering. Yes, a child would be different, but can the sting of death really be measured until you've walked that journey? In my opinion, no. I admire your willingness to share so openly the hurt you've endured these past 25 weeks. We all have a story that has resulted in a wound. Everyone's wound is in a different stage. As I was thinking about my daughter & all she's been through, I felt the Lord drop this into my spirit; "Don't hide your scars. They're proof to others that healing is possible." We all have scars, whether physical or emotional and there's always someone out there that need to see and hear about them. He always gives beauty for ashes.....always. I realize now that all the heartache's I've endured over these past 20 years have just been, as the Laura Story song says, "mercies in disquise." Never doubt that you're touching lives, because you are. Blessings to you.
ReplyDeleteLove this post, Leah! You captured so well all the mixed feeling and emotions when ones life is turned upside down. Thank you for your honesty and being willing to bring us along on the journey.
ReplyDeleteWow, Leah. This post is amazing. What a list. So many things seemingly "contradict" each other, but the truth always comes out and prevails - His Truth. Thank you for sharing this with us.
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