Why Not Me?

I told her my last name and simply stated I was there to pick up a prescription.

"Leah Gillen?" she asked.

I was a bit surprised when she called out my first name too without even looking it up in the computer or anything.

Further she explained, "I filled your prescription much earlier today, and your name just stuck with me for some reason." I simply smiled.

Normally, I just go through our local pharmacy's drive thru to pick up any prescriptions, but interestingly they called me yesterday and said they needed me to bring in my insurance card, because there was a slight problem, and they needed to load it again in the system.

So, this time...I went inside to pick up my order. I'm not sure how the conversation even turned in this direction, but suddenly I found myself sharing with her that my husband passed away a little over 5 months ago.

She stopped everything, and with complete sincerity offered, "I'm sorry. I really am sorry. I'm not just saying that."

I thanked her, and we simply continued to chat a little. She never asked me how he died (one of the first actually), and I never offered. But, she then began telling me that this had been a difficult year for her too.

"My mom and both grandparents passed away this year. And, my dad passed away when I was 16." (She couldn't be more than 27-28 at this point.)

"Wow!" I was floored. "You have had a hard year, haven't you?"

She shrugged a little and then said, "Yes. But, I believe everything happens for a reason." Looking down at my insurance card, she then proceeded to say, "I see that you work for the Billy Graham organization. I guess you probably believe everything happens for a reason too?"

I simply smiled. The sweet assumptions. But...she was right. "Yes, I do." But, she wasn't finished.

"But, do you ever ask why? I mean...why did this happen to you...to me?" She stared at me...cautiously inquisitive. Maybe she was afraid of my answer. Maybe she's surfing for an answer to her own "why". And so I began...

"Honestly? Yes, I've asked that question a time or two in my life. But, honestly...my question as of late has been 'why not me?'. Why should the yucky stuff happen to somebody else instead of me? Why should I be exempt? We live in a fallen, broken world. So, who's to say I shouldn't experience any of this? Do I like it? Absolutely not. Do I wish my husband were still with me? YES! YES! YES! But, I wouldn't wish this pain on my worse enemy. So, why not me?"

I was afraid of her response to my little moment of dialogue. Was she ready for that? Or did I just give her more than she could chew at the moment? I just wanted to be honest.

Her response? "You're right. Absolutely right. I guess that's why your name stuck with me today. God wanted to connect us tonight."

And. He. Did. Just. That.