Friday, October 14, 2011

Living Single in a Couples World

If you’re popping over today from my guest spot on Encouragement Cafe Radio – welcome! So glad you’re here!

The topic I was privileged to discuss with the beautiful ladies of Encouragement Cafe and with Carol Davis…”Living Single in a Couples World”. Hmmm… Let that title simply resonate for a few minutes. If you’re married and have been married in the “traditional” young twenties sort of way, this may be a bit of a foreign concept. However, my fellow single friends…whether never having been married like my friend, Sam at Fields of Gold (and also a guest on today’s EC program) or divorced like my friend, Carol, or widowed like I find myself…I think you might have a smidgen of an idea of what this living single in a couples world might be about.

I don’t know if I’ve simply been blind before, but this simply stares me in the face a lot these days. Culturally speaking, especially in a Christian culture, I’ve found myself recently in several situations that cater to the “couple”. It happens so subtly sometimes, but it’s there, and maybe I’m the only one that recognizes it.

It might be a women’s event where the “language” is all about couples and “our husbands” with the rare (if at all) word addressed to the single lady that might be in the crowd.

It might be in a social gathering with friends when the games that are played are husband vs. wife, and you suddenly find yourself in that awkward position of not being able to play according to the rules.

And…then I’m taken back to those recent days of being married…just slightly over 23 weeks ago. I’m sure I fed into this same dilemma where singles probably felt very alone in the couples world in which I also lived then. And now…God has allowed me to feel a dimension of that pain.

So where do we go from here?

As a single…I would encourage you to extend grace to your couples friends. They’re not walking in your shoes and can’t read your mind. I find that we expect couples to know how we feel, to know what we need, but that’s simply an unfair assumption unless we simply make our needs known. I would also encourage you to not isolate from couples. I especially feel strongly about this if you have children, because your children need to have godly Christian couples and families modeled to them.

As a couple…I beg you to step outside your safety box and “do life” with a single or single parent family. Invite them to your holiday gatherings, or just for dinner occasionally. Offer to babysit if they have young children so that they can get a little time away to “re-group”. Maybe even invite them to vacation with you, as vacations can be especially lonely times for singles.

Simply put, let’s be the hands and feet of Jesus to each other.

You are loved!


  1. Truly wonderful post, Leah! May the Lord use it to open "marrieds" eyes to the struggles of singles. And may we singles see marrieds needs as well. I once asked some married friends of mine to guard their "married" talk when I'm around, hence guarding my heart. I know it's easy for couples to slip into that, but it's painful to others who long for that oneness. Thanks for keeping it so real and true.

    Love your beautiful heart!

    xoxo, Sam

  2. I have noticed that more and more since my dad became a widow. I've been the buffer for him in a lot of situations like you mentioned. There is another form of singleness...when your husband is not involved in church. My husband attends morning worship service, but that is all. I usually feel like I am a single at alot of church related activities.

    I'm so proud of you for being so strong to speak on these matters. I know it's hard and I continue to pray for you.

  3. Sometimes an awkward dilemma in social circles, and even though I may have been sensitive to it at the time, I did not really address it head on. Thanks for the reminder to keep my eyes & ears open to how God wants me to serve in this area.